I have something to admitt:
My name is Katie, and I’m a food addict.
I don’t know about you, but changing your life sucks. Reforming bad habits into new, good ones is tough. Its really, really good, but really, really hard at the same time. I was telling my husband the other night that these seem to be some of the most trying growing pains I’ve ever had. The Lord is really using this to help mold and shape me into becoming the best woman I can be, but it is painful.
I have always loved food. And food, in and of itself, is not bad. In fact, we need food. I think that food addiction is probably one of the more hard ones mentally, because we must consume food to live. Now, I cannot vouch for many other additions, but drugs, sex, and other forms of addictions sure do feel like you cannot live without, but it is possible. Food, however, must be used and consumed.
So rather than going cold turkey with food, I have to change my mindset toward it. I cannot run to it when I’ve had a bad day, but instead must think of it as fuel for my body. I need to find something else to run to, to sooth my emotions. I cannot focus my social events of it, but rather focus on the social event.
I am getting better. I have had some really triumphant moments. Through my growing up, and into my 20’s, I was a food hoarder. And more so if the food was free. I’m not really sure why this is. I always had enough to eat growing up, I may have been denied junk food, but I never went to bed hungry. But I recognize now that I went to food for comfort. We were frugal growing up too. And that frugal mentality went with me as I got older. When I worked for Starbucks in college, we could get free beverages while we worked. Since Starbucks was a major treat growing up, this was like dying and going to Frappuccino heaven! So as I’m sure you can guess, I had as many free Frappuccinos as I could drink in a shift. It’s no wonder I put on 40lbs working there. A crew of us would always go out for happy hour after our shift. Happy hour is great for a food addict, because a big plate of nachos can be really cheap. And I didn’t like to share the nachos, I would eat the entire thing. Even if I wasn’t hungry. Or worse, even if I was full.
Ok, enough about my bad habits. Here’s what has changed.
Since starting program, my husband and I have had to make major changes with how we associate with food. Since we started during the holidays of 2011, we couldn’t eat all the goodies my students gave me for Christmas. I had to GIVE THEM AWAY! Talk about dying to self. I also started to walk in and out of the snack-filled staff room and just grab the supplies I needed, rather than stealing a bight of bagel. And when we wanted to go on a date night, we couldn’t center it around a giant plate of food + appetizer + drinks. We settled for coffee and tea tastings. And to be honest, it was really freeing. It freed us to think outside the box. To try things we weren’t used to. It was cheaper too. I think that was one of the best parts about being on a program to help us get healthy. We had guidelines, and if we wanted to reach the goals we set, we had to follow the guidelines. I like guidelines.
So I am still addicted to food, but as of today, it controls less and less of my life. I still have moments where I really struggle. But the fact that I am acknowledging it is a huge step. Previously, I assumed that this was just going to be the way of life for me. But not anymore.