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Monthly Archives: July 2013

Shame, weight loss is only part of my health.

I have been carrying around a heavy weight, embarrassment really.  I wonder how many people notice, think less of me, question my reliability, what I stand on.

I lost about 75 pounds a year ago.

I am a health coach and have been for over a year.

I have helped many, many people on their way toward optimal health.  And have had grace when they struggled.

But I have a hard time offering that same grace to myself.

I lost weight and was bound and determined to not gain it back.  I mean, come on, I am a health coach, I need to lead by example.  This is true.

But I gained a bit back.  So I went back on the program that I knew worked for me and my clients. And just as it had promised. It worked.  But the program I coach through isn’t just about weight loss, its about weight maintenance, healthy habits, and learning how your body best functions.  And I had done a lot of self-digging to really come to terms as to why I had put some weight back on the first time. I figured it out.  I was eating “treats” way to often, and was cutting back on the exercise that felt so good when I was loosing weight.  Ok, so I had figured out what not to do, and the good news was, I was actually not doing what I set out not to do.  I had undone those unhealthy habits. Check.

But then it happened. The weight came back on.  Wait… what… no…. this… isn’t… happening…again…!…!…!

What am I doing wrong, I scratch my head, I banged my head, I pulled my hair out.  I thought I had it figured out.  Now I just felt ashamed.  Who am I to coach people when I can’t even do this right.

I think God has a bigger plan for us, when we really don’t have the fondest idea of what is really going on.  I had made an appointment with a naturopath to discuss issues pertaining to my ever-so-sluggish thyroid and my appointment was coming up.  Side note: I have been battling my ever-so-sluggish thyroid since I was 14.  Apparently, when you have hypothyroidism, you often have a decrease in energy and significant weight gain, among other things.  I had those.  But I had lost weight while on program which is seen to be a miracle in the medical community.  (its really not that hard though, our program works.)  So after having my thyroid meds upped many many many times. I assumed that this weight gain had something to do with my meds being off again.  What else could it be?

About 2 months prior, in March to be exact, Randy and I decided that we’d like to add a little one to the bunch.  Now this has been a long time coming.  Randy has been game for kids since day one, and God has been patiently reshaping my heart for this adventure.  And one morning, I woke up and was ready. So we removed the goalie … if you know what I mean. And by goalie, I mean the little pill I took once a day.

So I see my doctor, tell her whats up, tell her I’m getting fat where there shouldn’t be fat, my thyroid has to be to blame, and oh yea, I want to make babies.

She had her ideas, and thought it might be hormonal! Ah Ha! That sounds legit.  I stop taking hormones and wham! the weight comes back on.  So we ran some tests.

Yesterday I had my follow up.  Sure enough, I have a hormonal issue.  Apparently, my body has an utterly low level of progesterone, and compared to my normal levels of estrogen, estrogen takes the cake in my body, and is causing weight gain.  So many people told me they heard about women gaining weight on birth control, but never when they come off.  The weight gain for most women was because of the increase in estrogen compared to progesterone.  So when I removed the progesterone, my body never started making its own – thus leaving comparatively high levels of estrogen. Pair that with very low levels of cortisol, making me fatigued and making it easy to gain weight, and so severely low levels of vitamin D, that its not helping out my thyroid which also helps in the weigh gain section.  Oh and something is slow in my liver.  YIKES! So, I left the doctors office feeling like I had been hit by a mac truck.  I had some answers.  Some really great answers.  We have a place to begin.  And I started to feel less sorry for myself.

I felt less sorry for myself because I know I am not the only one who has ever put weight back on. I felt less sorry for myself because I was doing something. Even if the weight was coming off, I was investigating why. I felt less sorry for myself because even though I was following the healthy living habits I coach and preach and teach, there was something else going on.

Now, 2 years ago, I would have used this “something else going on” as a big excuse.  Something else is going on, woo is me, I can’t change.  But I now know that I can change. And I am.  For me, that change will include regulating my body, to get it to run how it was design to.  To make my hormones in sync, to not only help me maintain weight, but to do all the other functions they are designed to do.

I am starting to feel less ashamed.  I had a long talk with my own health coach. And she reassured me that even though its a bummer weight came back on, it was a sign that something else was wrong ( and thankfully they weren’t my habits). They prompted me to investigate what was going on, so that this little itch for a baby could come to fruition some day.  And she reassured me that weight loss is only one part of my journey to health.  If it weren’t for me recognizing that a healthy weight was even possible for me, I don’t think I would have realized that a healthy body – in and out, was possible.  Frankly I didn’t even know there was a problem.

The good news is, is that weight loss is not the be-all end-all.  And when I coach my clients, I can be real with them. I am not some skinny model on a commercial that was paid to tell you it works. I know it does, and I know real things happen in your life. And I want to support you as you figure out what they are so that you can get where you want to go.

The good news is, I am on my road to health.  There just so happens to be some bumps in the road.

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