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Sinner, what are you fighting for?

I read this quote today by Shane Claiborne ( I know ally quotes are coming from him
Lately, but that’s what I’m reading and the Holy Spirit is sure using it) “Rebirth means that we have a new paradigm of ‘us’ and ‘them.’ Our central identity is no longer biological…our new ‘us’ is the church, the people of God doing the will of the Father.” After reading this I just felt hugely convicted for myself. I am a new creation In Jesus and yet I am hanging on to things that are not allowing me to live in this new identity. If I truly believe in this King Jesus and I trust him with my life, soul and eternity, why am I not allowing him to work in the areas of sin in my life? Why am I holding on to them? Jesus calls me out from it, to release me from things that damage into a life that is healing. Jesus calls me away from a life where I am the center and into a life where he is the center.
I’m wrestling with this. I know what is right yet I don’t do it. I want to do what is right, the way The Lord laid it out so plainly in his word, yet I get caught up in the idea that my way is better. And although he graciously allows me to stumble and fall through that, and realize that his ways are better.
I just felt like I needed to confess that. I am a sinner, hungry for Gods grace and truth and communion.

And with this riding on the coat tails of Martin Luther King Jr. day, it really got me thinking, 

what am I fighting for?

Is it Jesus? Is it for the Kingdom? Is it for love? Is it for redemption? For  forgiveness? For peace? For reconciliation? For healing? For strong marriages? For our callings? For our relationship with our King? 

no, not lately

Lately, I’ve been planning a high school reunion.  Lately I’ve been worried about my body image.  Lately I’ve been thinking about myself and not about others.  

Why? Although both of those things have importance, they aren’t or at least shouldn’t be a priority.

I want to fight for something that matters. I am hungry for Jesus, I am hungry for people to see their value and worth in Him.  How he can transform lives.  But I need to live transformed.  If I love and live for this King who died so that I may live, I should at least live like I believe it.  

Lord, I want to live and breath and have my being in and for you.  Lord I am hungry for more of you. For your truth, for your grace, for your love.  I am a sinner.  I don’t trust.  I say I do, but I lie.  I want to put others above myself, I really truly do because I know how much better life is when I do, but I struggle.  I need your help, your strength, your grace.  Lord, how did you do it? How did you love so unconditionally, yet still hold so tightly to the truth? I want that conviction.  I want to be sold out like you Jesus.  I want to fight so that others may know you.  And know the real you.  Not the plastic Jesus that sits on a dashboard with the nickname Buddy.  But the real, faithful, strong, compassionate, trustworthy, persistent Jesus who is after our hearts and souls not because he’s crazy, but because He made us, and knows what is best for us. Lord, I want this! 



Day 1

Quick update,short because I’m exhausted, but I’m doing it because I said I would.  Someone has to hold me accountable.

Today went great in the sense that I ate great, whole foods.  But it went poorly in the sense that I didn’t eat much.  I had a great breakfast, but then after working out didn’t have time to eat, which is a big no no… and my body was functioning on caffeine and God’s grace. I was in a long meeting today for Ncompass.  (Big things happening here!!!) and then had a sparatic coffee date with a friend and her daughter, and then ran home before House Church.  Thank goodness for Lara Bars.  But I will plan better tomorrow.

Speaking of house church.  We had a great discussion tonight on “The Cost of Discipleship.”  We were asked, what does that cost look like? And we really had to prayerfully sit there in silences for a few minutes to come up with a good answer.  And yet, all of our answers were different.  For me, right now, it is dying to self.  Loosing my identity in ME, and finding it fresh and new again in my Savior.  Once I get to the other side of each situation, I know that my way is not the right way, but His way is, yet it is SO HARD TO SEE THAT on the one side of the fence.  Others said that its loosing your pride. Or loosing friends and family who disagree with you. Others said it was having a calling that might not be what society deems as worthy.  I love my house church, or missional community rather.  They are such a great group of honest, and dear people.  So thankful for them.

How would you describe “The Cost of Discipleship?”

p.s.  our team came home today from Haiti!  Praise Jesus for the amazing things they were able to accomplish.  Hopefully I’ll have a moment to type something out about that.  But in the mean time, enjoy this great photo of a memorial mural the kids painted for Jackson.  Image

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